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Post by Matt Holden on Dec 3, 2013 22:58:25 GMT
Recently my inner grumpy old man has been making more regualr appearences...
The result is that I'm now getting increasingly annoyed with large sections of the Doctor Who fandom, the vast majority of the cosplay 'community' and now even my joy of wargaming is waining... (Before you ask I'm not going to go into the specific details as to why)
My question is what to do about it?
What do you guys do when you are stuck by a period of malaise?
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Post by Torchwood TeaBoy on Dec 4, 2013 1:27:13 GMT
I take a break. It's harder than it sounds.
You need to find a way to disconnect, recharge, and re-evaluate your enjoyment of each hobby. If, after your break, going back to it feels like work, or you dread it, perhaps a longer break, or a complete stop, from said hobby is on the table. It can be incredibly hard to do, I spent 3 years working up the courage to walk away from a hobby I spent 10 years and a ridiculous amount of money on, and I am generally happier for it. Re-evaluate what makes it fun for you. Is it the people? The activities? How can you step back or change the way you enjoy it to stay involved?
Ultimately, if it's not fun anymore, is it worth it to you?
Good luck!
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Post by Clara Oswald on Dec 4, 2013 1:32:38 GMT
I'm sad you feel this way  However, I totally understand how you feel. Recently I myself have been questioning certain aspects of cosplay, such as people who solely promote themselves as "unofficial look a likes" It bothers me for some reason, and I know it's not a big deal. But that's my own rant. When I'm in these funks, I remember why I got into cosplay to begin with: because I enjoy becoming the characters I love and admire. Cosplay is about having fun and being that kid again dressing up as your favourite hero. I remember the first time I ever cosplayed, I was the only one there dressed up for the movie and I didn't care, I was having fun and being myself. When I start to worry about weather or not people will like my cosplay, I remind myself that it doesn't matter. I'm having fun, and if other people enjoy what I do, then wonderful! Sure there are selfish people out there, and there are people who will get you down, but we have to look past them and remind ourselves about why we do what we do. It saddens me that some people can be so negative, and to be honest, I have left certain fan pages on FB because some people were being such snobs towards me and others, squelching my enthusiasm. If there is a page or a person that is really being a negative influence toward you, I say either ignore them or stop interacting with them. Don't let them rob you of your joy! Matt, you are a constant encouragement to myself and many others. You and the others on here are a joy to be around and inspire me to keep doing what I love. I thoroughly enjoy listen to you guys on Journeys in Fandom, and you all motivate me to continue writing in my own blog. Don't stop what you're doing. I wish we had more down to earth people like you and others here on the forum that I've interacted with.  I hope I've helped! Any time you need a pick me up, I'm more than happy to listen. I like being an encouragement to others, and I hate seeing anyone get down. |
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Post by Matt Holden on Dec 4, 2013 12:06:13 GMT
I'm sad you feel this way However, I totally understand how you feel. Recently I myself have been questioning certain aspects of cosplay, such as people who solely promote themselves as "unofficial look a likes" It bothers me for some reason, and I know it's not a big deal. But that's my own rant. I'd love to hear your rant on that, if you don't want to do it publicly feel free to drop me a PM I think my biggest gripes at the moment are: Doctor Who: - Facebook pages and group politics, the love of spoilers... Cosplay: - Kickstarters, boobs, Amazon wishlists and the craving for likes... Wargaming: - What planet are GW on?!? Generally: - The apparent mainstreamness of what used to be niche hobbies and interests and the cheapening of them as a result... |
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Post by jjpprob on Dec 4, 2013 12:37:40 GMT
I'm sad you feel this way However, I totally understand how you feel. Recently I myself have been questioning certain aspects of cosplay, such as people who solely promote themselves as "unofficial look a likes" It bothers me for some reason, and I know it's not a big deal. But that's my own rant. I'd love to hear your rant on that, if you don't want to do it publicly feel free to drop me a PM I think my biggest gripes at the moment are: Doctor Who: - Facebook pages and group politics, the love of spoilers... Cosplay: - Kickstarters, boobs, Amazon wishlists and the craving for likes... Wargaming: - What planet are GW on?!? Generally: - The apparent mainstreamness of what used to be niche hobbies and interests and the cheapening of them as a result... I don't know enough about wargaming to comment on that, but as for the others... Any community is going to have group politics once it gets to a certain size. Throw enough opinions into a metaphorical mixing pot, and some of them are bound to conflict. I'm only a member of this DW community and one other (Masters of the Whoniverse) which has a similar amount of regulars to this forum, so I avoid drama. As for the spoilers, I'm personally ok with learning anything that's not confirmed, if that makes sense - a complete script for a future episode signed by Moffat, I wouldn't want anything to do with, but rumours, context-less set pictures, I can't get enough of. I love piecing things together for myself, thinking I've got it all figured out, and then being proven totally wrong. Especially the last part, being proven wrong is far more fun than it should be. Having said all that, I don't ever repost any of that without a very clear warning that spoilers are ahead. Onto the cosplay bit! I'm not really familiar with the kickstarters, but I'm guessing it's people asking for money to fund the costume rather than paying for it themselves? In that case...eh, I wouldn't do it myself, but people know what they're paying for and what they're getting whenever they pledge to a kickstarter, so as long as the cosplayer doesn't promise anything they don't deliver, I don't have a problem with it. I don't see why people would WANT to pledge to fund someone else's cosplay, unless it was especially pioneering, but if they want to, go ahead. Amazon wishlists...could you elaborate that? I'm really not sure what you're referring to there. Craving for likes does bug me, people who cosplay for attention. I admit I always go to a convention hoping a few people will ask for photos, and am dismayed if I don't get anyone reacting positively to a costume, but I never let it become the reason I cosplay. I think while there are attention-craving cosplayers, it's not that hard to ignore them usually. With regards to your hobbies being mainstreamised...does it matter? I'm not trying to trivialise your concerns or anything, but I try to never let anyone else's opinions bother me if I can avoid it. That extends to hobbies; someone else enjoying something more or less doesn't affect my own enjoyment of it. (There are obvious exceptions - if I'm running an RPG and players aren't having fun then that's obviously going to affect my own actions, for example, but you get the point). Yes, it's cool to be a geek now and it's sort of diluting the geeky population a bit, but as long as I stick with the same groups of people I always do, and we enjoy our hobbies together, who cares whether others enjoy it or not? I guess that the theme of what I'm saying is: people. Ordinary, stupid, brilliant people. All your concerns (except the wargaming one maybe, don't know enough to say) seem to be based around other people. Screw 'em. There are people who are important to you, and people who're less so. I find I'm at my most happy when I know which is which. With cosplay, with Doctor Who, and with other general hobbies, I seek out people who're likeminded and not prone to drama, while avoiding people who negatively affect my happiness, and I find that works. How others behave doesn't change your own behaviour. You are you, stay true to that, and enjoy things you want to enjoy. ...Well, that became longer and preachier than I'd expected. Tl;dr: enjoy whatever the heck you want and don't let others ruin it for you. |
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Post by Torchwood TeaBoy on Dec 4, 2013 14:02:52 GMT
Well said, JJ.
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Post by Matt Holden on Dec 4, 2013 14:37:09 GMT
Kickstarter - getting the masses to fund trips to conventions, costumes and other projects... If you want to go to an event save up like everyone else!
Amazon Wishlists - Here's what I want to but but can't be bothered, buy it for me to show me how much you care...
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Post by Clara Oswald on Dec 4, 2013 14:59:45 GMT
So basically, they're begging and expecting hand outs--sounds like most Americans: looking for a hand out. Oh did I say that out loud? lol.
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Post by littlelottie on Dec 4, 2013 15:23:34 GMT
I keep trying to reply to this because it's something I've dealt with a lot over my 8 years as a dancer and dealing with certain groups of people. But why will my thoughts not organise themselves into something vaguely translatable?! Insert useful advice here.
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Post by claireish on Dec 5, 2013 6:52:16 GMT
I wish I could say that I have no clue what you're talking about but as this isn't my first day on the internet or in fandom...well, it's come up a fair few times. And it's always terrible because this is supposed to be a happy place but I guess there isn't much to be done when you have such a large number of people all with different opinions, especially when you consider what a wide audience a lot of the pertinent stuff appeals to.
Really though I have to say that the most effective thing I do is to just take a step back from everyone else for a while and spend some time reminding myself why I love the thing in the first place. With Doctor Who that really means going and rewatching my favorite episodes and letting myself get fully caught up in that experience, though sometimes it also means going and rereading some of my favorite fanfiction. Really the thing to do though is to go through these and remember that there's more to the thing I love and more to me loving it than my impressions of what all these other people think about it.
Basically if I have any real advice that's it: take a step back and try to remember why you fell in love with all of these in the first place. Figure out why you enjoy them and find spaces that celebrate and mesh with those things. If the spaces you're currently in aren't enjoyable cut them out. Unfollow, unsubscribe, stop checking for updates. If you end up missing them and want to go back then you always have that option. Things that you do in order to fix this aren't permanent, you're not cutting off a leg. And getting rid of stuff doesn't have to be all at once and it doesn't necessarily mean getting rid of everything. And really these communities are vast. Maybe the thing to do is to find small groups of people who like the same parts of these things that you do and talk about those parts. And maybe you could try stepping away from some of the bigger issues that you can't change. Or talk about the things you don't like, and start conversations about them with people who you know aren't going to spout off exactly what you don't want to hear. And when people do stupid stuff, laugh and groan and walk away and leave them to their stupid stuff. Chances are it's not gonna work and they'll eventually figure it out themselves, so to be honest it's just not worth spending so many of your emotions on.
And when it comes to things becoming mainstream and getting cheapened hmm. That's something I kind of struggle with too no matter how much I realize it's a rather silly thing to be worried about. Because I think when it comes down to it, it's only cheapened if you let it become that way. Which is really easy when you have so many people into the same thing and it feels like all you ever see of it because of that is surface level drivel. All "like my page!" and "the angels have the phone box" until it's almost as if the surface is all that exists. And really the only thing I've found for it is to try to remind myself that these aren't the reasons I love the thing. Chances are they aren't the reasons that all these other people love the thing either, and in fact they probably got into it for so many of the same reasons I did, and it's just that the drivel is so much easier to communicate across such large spaces than the deep-seated emotions under them. And I can listen to the drivel and get bored and frustrated or I can ignore the huge space and focus on a much smaller group of the individual people that make up that space and I can spend my time with them talking about the parts that I love. Because when it comes down to it while it's a lot easier to just want less people involved, the larger group means that there are more people having these same amazing experiences and having their lives affected in (hopefully) positive ways by the thing and by the relationships they've formed through it. And that's really amazing and I wouldn't want to deny that to anyone, so I try to remember that when I can and ignore them the rest of the time because ultimately what matters is that *I* love it and that I use that love to form positive relationships and experiences.
I don't know how helpful this is but I hope you figure it out!
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However, I totally understand how you feel. Recently I myself have been questioning certain aspects of cosplay, such as people who solely promote themselves as "unofficial look a likes" It bothers me for some reason, and I know it's not a big deal.
